Thursday, December 10, 2009

Difficult relationships

I grew up seeing people close to me bidding good byes at the most inappropriate times.. I was so unfortunate that I couldn't see my paternal grandparents as both of them died much before dad got married. And the first death that I could remember is that of my maternal grandfather when I was three years old. I remember sitting in his lap when he was talking to his friends and guess that night he died. Amma was pregnant then.. Later so many others bid good bye including my little bro, cousins , uncles, aunts etc. At one point there was a death every year and it went on for 9 continous years. We met for the the first anniversary rituals and soon after used to get the news that someone or other got a heart attack or a stroke. It was like you get up in the morning with a thought "Who Next?" if you got what I mean..It was so scary and we used to wonder what doom has befallen us.. And then sometimes close friends moved out coz of education or transfer or some such thing.. Most of these people were very close to me and I even used to fear that it's because of me that such things happened to them - I felt like I'm bringing in some ill luck to whoever is close to me. Even now when I'm close to someone I've a fear at the back of my mind that I'll loose them sooner or later..

But these set backs also made me value relationships more and used to guard it so fiercely..I used to write long letters to my cousins staying out of town( even though most times it used to be a one way communication).. They used to tease me that I'm totally jobless and hence I write.. I always took the initiatives to keep in touch with old friends and also made sure I visit my relatives whenever I go to hometown. Many of my friends have told me that I'm the only person who still wishes them on their b'days or other occations. When I am in Thrissur I used to call up all the numbers in my phonebook and amma used to complain that phone bill shoots up whenever I come home. Now when a schoolmate finds me in orkut they ask me if I have any contact with my close friends in school. They are astonished when I tell them that we are very much in touch even after 14 long years.. Many a times I've taken pains to mend a broken relationships coz I felt any relation is too precious to loose.. Of course there are some rare cases where I have failed or felt it's not worth mending.. I even advice my friends to cling to a relationship even if they feel it's time to quit.. But today I just quit..

Yes I lost one more person though thankfully not to death..In fact it's more like death with a difference that what's dead is a relationship here.. And guess what it's exactly 3 months since I lost mom and six months since I lost my aunt who was my pseudo mom.. I'm scared of 3 month milestones now!! It's not that I am miserable or something, but just wondering.. What's the purpose of a relationship? What happens when you end a relationship so abruptly? How do you remove all the childhood memories that you have of that person? People say blood is thicker than water. But if you have to end such a relation then what's the relevance of other relations? And worse I'm getting my fear back.. Is it MY ill luck? I'm really scared to be with people now.. What if they also leave me one day?

I then read one of Preeti's older article and now I know. I don't know how she always reads my mind! So What are you? A Reason, A Season or a Lifetime?

24 comments:

jj said...

Its no ill luck ...
Some bonds are bound to be broken.
Sometimes, you just have to let go.

Santosh said...

Some relationships are worth a lifetime, while some... better late than never.

There is a lot of negativity in your words... you have to find a way to let it go

Sini said...

whatever it is, be well..

Usha said...

no dear.. don't read too much into it.. this happens to all of us, at some point of time.. sometimes it all just happens altogether that it is but natural to feel overwhelmed by it.

Dhanya, have you ever thought of this.. you have known so many people in your life who are so dear to you.. you've known the love and care and comfort that each one of them shared with you. And to think that there are soo many people in this world who have hardly even one person to love and be loved.

And yes, I remember reading this line about people who come into you life for a reason, season or a lifetime. True. We need to learn to let go.

You take care, girl.. *hugs*

NesQuarX said...

I believe mostly in reason. That's how it works with me, that's how it works for me...

Reasons can often stay for a lifetime though, it's rare.

Oh, and everybody will leave, even you and me. Just as suddenly as we came. And all that matters is what goes on between :) isn't it?

Anonymous said...

Hi Dhanya,
I am not a blogger,but a silent reader of your blogs. I know that it is easy to say "okkey sheriyavum". But believe me, time will heal all the wounds. So be patient and wait for the sunny days which god has planned for you.

BTW I am also from Thrissur [ pudukkad ].

With Prayers,
Seema

Sadhana said...

I agree its as difficult to break a relationship as it is to make. But change is usual in life. Have to accept it and go ahead. Have to Cherish the sweet moments with the broken relationship. Meet new people, make new friends and continue.. Sometimes I have felt at certain situations as if the incident had repeated sometime back say few years back with different persons and my role being the same. I feel why does this repeat so many times in my life. Again I realize, though its repeating so many times I havent been able to learn from the past and handle them.. Dont worry chechi.. With time, with new friends, new relationships, the past becomes a sweet memory.. :)

Anonymous said...

A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak

- Ecclesiastes 3:7

Dr Roshan R said...

Meeting to part is the joy of life.. but parting to meet is the hope of life..

My first gf told me this.. we've long parted ways and even continents perhaps, but I believe in it still.. At certain times, certain relationships are necessary to sustain us through that period of our lives..
http://godyears.blogspot.com/2008/07/jungle-parable.html

Sajit said...

Hello Dhanya,

I do relate with you when it comes to the relationships ending abruptly and friendships going sour. Unanswerable questions beginning with "Why" bother me to no end.

Just a few such incidents have made me value my good friends much more than I did before. And after 33 years of life, I need only 3 fingers to count them.

Regards,
Sajit

Sreejith Kumar said...

Dhanya, I wish you a very happy New Year.

Cris said...

Dear Dhanya,
Whenever I read your blog, I feel a personal connection. Not that similar things have been happening in my life, but it is like reading a letter of a dear friend.

First of all, throw away the thought that there is any sorta ill luck with you. There is nothing of that sort girl!
If people decide to walk away (except when its death), then its their bad luck.

And when a relationship ends, it doesnt mean that you have to erase memories. I somehow dont believe in that. What is wrong in going into your past sometimes, remembering things sometimes - you do it cause you like to do it - whether it brings pain or happiness is not the question. It is never a waste of time. One cant just live by the rules they dictate to you to lead a "successful" life. Memories are a gift that humans have. We dont have to throw it away for anything, even if the people in it throw us out of theirs.

And dhanya, wish you a happy new year :-). May it bring you lots to cherish about.

Anonymous said...

Dear Dhanya,

I didnt have any strength to write to you recently.Just want to tell you that I can feel all your pain.

Eashwar

Dewdrop said...

I can relate to want you feel Dhanya. Many a times I was left wondering how did it all happen when some of the relationships in my life end so abruptly. Some people are meant to be with us for a reason, and sometimes its best to let go and hold on to the precious memories.

You take care gal. *Hugs and love*

rashmi said...

Very touche blog...i love the way you express your feelings..very few people can effectively do that..
Take Care.

Kudos..:)

Narayan said...

From my perspective, Life is like a trust fall. I don't know who will hold me and when, but I trust that someone will. I just wanna enjoy each and every moment of this fall, spread my arms and believe that I am flying. No point in thinking of luck, destiny etc. What has to happen will happen. Tomorrow will forever be a suspense. Let it be. Quoting from the other blog you have mentioned - Work like you don't need the money, Love like you've never been hurt, and dance like no one is watching.
So... let the world see more of your photography skills...

mirage said...

Hi dhanya,



Its easy to make & easy to break a relationship,but the difficult task is how to maintain it.

Take life easy cos God gives us what we need ,not what we want:))


mirage:))

ARUNA said...

I strongly believe everything happens for a reason!!!

Devil Incarnate... said...

Its nt ill luck...
its a prt of life...
sme may stay for days.. sme will b there for months and sme stays 4 yrs.. bt dont u think they all taught us sme lesson of life that we will never 4get...
dnt u think smethings happpend positively just coz they were there for us.. its better 2 appreciate that rather than feeling bad that they r nt there...
ofcourse they r there around u, through the memories u hav abt them... they never fades u knw...
take care dear...

~mE said...

y arent u blogging :)

Bindhu Unny said...

I want to say what Usha said. And don't be too hard on yourself. Think of those unfortunates who never had anyone to love. Take care...

anN-series said...

Hey Dhanya, since its summer now, i hope there is sunshine in your life and you have gotten over all the negativity...

Take care friend.

PS: The photographs are getting better and better :~)

Zav said...

y r u not blogging??

Thulasy Mary Elizabeth said...

Dhanya,
No posts since December.Hope you are fine.Keep blogging.

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